Picking Up Women – It’s ALL About Safety and Trust

Imagine this scenario for a minute: You’re seated at a bar minding your own business. A woman sits down beside you and takes no shame in invading your personal space. The two of you have never met before and you know nothing about each other. She stares at you with that sex-on-the-brain look and says; “You look so faarkin sexy. Ohh your ass is SO HOT … Rrrgghh!!! How about going back to my place for some sweaty bedroom action?”

I know what you’re thinking man … “I’d LOVE it if THAT happened!” Hell, what man wouldn’t!

Unfortunately though, this does NOT usually happen, and it definitely NEVER happens if the woman has never met you. Having women pursue and chase you IS possible, IF you’ve displayed the correct characteristics and behaviour traits, and engineered the right conditions. However, the purpose of this article isn’t to talk about that, the purpose of this article is to help you understand a couple of crucial aspects that are necessary to successfully picking up women. The point I’m making with that first paragraph, is that women get this type of behaviour from guys ALL the time.

Pick-up lines, “sex eyes”, sex “actions”, lewd, offensive remarks and other ridiculous tactics are used by men so often that women instinctively put up their defenses when approached by a man in this way (MOST women put up their defenses when men approach them in ANY way). Not only are these tactics pathetic and useless attempts at trying to grab a woman’s attention, it NEVER generates ANY attraction at all and it’s extremely harmful to the way you’re perceived by her because you’re coming from a position of being a pursuer (not to mention being a complete nuisance).

In order for you to successfully pick-up a woman, you need to create the perception that you’re highly valuable so SHE is compelled to pursue YOU. You need to possess attractive characteristics and personality traits that compel her to find you interesting and engaging enough to want to begin an interaction. Once the interaction has begun, then you need to behave in a way that conveys you’re a guy she trusts and feels safe with.

I’m going to share a couple of key aspects that will provide you with a better understanding of how to BE more attractive and interesting, create the feelings of trust and safety, and help you begin transforming from dating dud to seducer extraordinaire! In order for these concepts to work though, you’re going to have to abandon EVERYTHING you thought you knew about picking up hot women. Forget what the media portrays, what your mother told you, what women SAY they want. Forget it ALL!

Be Different

The first step, is that YOU need to BE DIFFERENT from all the other guys out there trying to pick-up women. That’s the bottom line. To stand out from the crowd, you simply CANNOT be the same or behave the same way as everyone else. You NEED to be a different type of man and behave in a different way to set yourself apart and stand out in the minds of the women you come into contact with.

So, the first step is … Be Different!

STOP using all the old, overused, overrated pick-up lines and behaviour NOW. STOP making sex the reason for interacting and focus on simply talking and connecting. Doing just this one thing will INSTANTLY set you apart from over 95% of the other males out there. Instead of using the same tactics that all the other guys are using to approach and introduce themselves to women, behave NORMALLY (as you would around your guy friends), and remain cool and calm.

It’s more than enough to simply smile and say “Hi” to start a conversation with a woman. You don’t need any fancy pick-up lines. Strike up a “normal” conversation by asking her how her night is going, what brings her out, who she’s with etc, and work off the threads of information she gives you to continue talking and communicating with her.

DON’T constantly question her, don’t interrogate her. Just talk – LISTEN – and communicate NATURALLY.

Add a strong level of relaxed confidence into your behavior and BOOM … You’re instantly BEING different!
You WILL stand out in her mind, naturally sparking her interest in you.

Behave Attractively

Continuing on with being different, you also need to BEHAVE in a way that conveys you possess a strong, masculine personality and high social power and value – in other words, demonstrates that you’re a high value, attractive man. It’s crucially important that you possess the body language and behaviour traits that trigger automatic, subconscious attraction in women. It’s a constant uphill battle if you’re instantly perceived and judged to be a low value guy – in fact the reality is, you won’t even get a chance to start any interactions because the ladies will put their defense’s up the minute you approach them.

To minimize the likelihood of encountering female defense tactics, it’s important that you’re always exuding a powerful, relaxed and supremely confident presence. Hold and conduct yourself in a strong and masculine manner. Exude fun, happiness and excitement. When you project these high value characteristics and behaviour traits, women will INSTANTLY be attracted to your appearance and your behaviour, compelling them to be more open to interacting with you.

A Beautiful Secret about Women

The second step to success is understanding the magnificent truth of reality … Women LOVE Sex!

Yeah, you heard me right. They love sex. Regardless of what we’ve all been told and conditioned to believe, women LOVE sex! And they are dying to meet a man who excites them enough that they want to have sex with him. They dream and fantasize about meeting such a man. The key for us is learning how to trigger that excitement and attraction within them.

Here’s the thing that makes it difficult for the average man to succeed … Ever since they were little girls, women have been programmed by society to be respectable ladies. They’ve been taught the importance of having a solid reputation and warned of the dangers of being labeled a slut. This is why they feel a great amount of pressure and discomfort when they are approached by men who have NOT demonstrated enough value and are blatantly seeking sex.

The sad truth for most women – and the barrier to success for most guys – is that they are constantly bombarded by these types of advances from men. As a result, most guys they meet repel and disgust them, meaning they find it difficult to find the type of man they instinctively find attractive (or the men they do find attractive, turn out to be the jerks and assholes they’re always complaining about).

In short, they don’t easily TRUST men who approach them. And that’s because most men come at this completely wrong. In order for you to enjoy greater success, you need to view your approach in an entirely different way.

It’s ALL about Safety and Trust

If you want a woman to have sex with you, she NEEDS to feel SAFE and TRUST you.

Just because I told you she enjoys sex, doesn’t mean you’ve been licensed to blatantly seek it from her. If you do, once again, you’ll be just like every other guy and you’ll FAIL. You need to remember the great effort she puts into keeping her secret, and living up to the standards that have been imposed on her by societal programming. The ONLY way she’ll EVER open up to you is if she feels comfortable being around you and trusts that you’re a confidential guy who will NOT destroy her reputation.

However, you can’t be too careful and “nice” either. If you don’t possess the courage and balls to PROJECT your sexual interest – without blatantly displaying it – and convey your intentions through both verbal and nonverbal communication skills, then women will assume you’re either not interested in them, or they’ll believe you’re just another weak, insecure, boring guy who they find completely unattractive.

So, it’s important to begin by facing reality … Of course you want to have sex with her! BUT, you NEED to keep this to yourself for now. Being too upfront about your intentions will make her feel uncomfortable and you will be labeled as another loser trying to get into her pants.

After you’ve generated initial attraction, the next step is to establish SAFETY and TRUST!

To establish this trust and feeling of safety, once again, it’s important that you set yourself apart from all the other guys. As long as you don’t appear to be a “threat” to her sexual sanctity – or her physical well-being – you stand a good chance of creating a positive impression and perception in her mind. Once a woman decides she feels safe around you, trust naturally follows close behind.

The question is, HOW do we create this safety and trust?

Well there are a couple of simple but powerful things you can do. First, by projecting a powerful, relaxed confident personality and a strong, masculine presence, you’ll be displaying the characteristics that people subconsciously perceive as genuine and trustworthy (we’re instinctively programmed to trust in strength and confidence, we automatically mistrust weakness and insecurity).

When you approach a woman/women, instead of using a canned pick-up line, just say HI. Hi is such a non-threatening opener. All you’re doing is being friendly. There’s no hidden agenda, no blatant disregard for a woman’s sexual reputation. You’re just a friendly, confident guy (something that turns on over 90% of women). This is extremely powerful when used in conjunction with a cool, calm and relaxed demeanour and a strong, masculine presence.

There’s also a powerful verbal communication method you can use to create a strong subconscious sense of trust in you. This method is a specific psychological language structure that elicits a strong perception of truthfulness, conveying that you’re a truthful – therefore trustworthy – man. When you speak the truth (regardless of how obvious it is), you’re positively influencing her perception that you’re an honest person, naturally increasing her trust in you. Here’s what you do …

… Highlight three statements of truth about your environment and wrap them around a statement of your desired outcome. For example, let’s say that you’re sitting at a table, hanging out with some friends in a bar. You see a woman sitting at the bar, having a drink alone. You decide to meet this lady so you walk over and stand next to her, and after you’ve said hi, you say, “I was sitting over there with my friends and couldn’t help noticing you sitting here drinking alone. I’m impressed and fascinated with your presence – you seem like a cool person. You mind some company for a little bit?”

The truthfulness in my statement is pretty clear and evident:

  • “I WAS sitting with my friends”
  • “She IS sitting at the bar alone”
  • “She DOES have a drink”

My statements are true and my intention is clear, yet my sexual interest isn’t blatant or unoffensive. In fact, it’s so subtle that it doesn’t even seem like it’s a pick-up routine. It just seems like I’m a cool, confident and socially mindful guy who is befriending someone who is alone at the moment. The likelihood of her rejecting an interaction are pretty slim. For starters, she’ll trust me on a subconscious level. And because we’re compelled by natural and powerful psychological programming to like those who like us, she’ll be more open to talking for a few minutes because she KNOWS I think she’s cool – I told her.

The third step to success, is understanding that your body language is far more revealing (and important) than you can ever imagine!

Most men fail with women because their body language portrays a sexual advance that ALL women can sense a mile away. These guys will invade a woman’s personal space and their body positioning and behavior says; “I think you’re hot. I want to fuck you NOW, that’s ALL I care about. And I have complete and total disregard for your sexual reputation!”

The ladies are understandably IMMEDIATELY repelled and disgusted by this type of behaviour!

So, in order for you to be viewed as being different, STOP emitting an overtly sexual signal. You can achieve this by doing one simple trick. When you’re speaking with a woman, make sure you’re NOT facing her directly or leaning in towards her. Remain side on, or facing her but leaning back.

Using this simple body language trick will subconsciously convey to her that you’re NOT seeking her attention, NOT (overtly) trying to get into her pants and is an extremely powerful attraction trigger (this will help you to be perceived as The Prize, NOT the pursuer). But more importantly, you’ll be deemed as SAFE in her eyes, which makes you very, very different from all the other guys out there trying to get into her pants.

Once you’re deemed as safe, women will be more than happy to give you their time (hell, they’ll be BEGGING you for your attention if your game is tight).
These are just a couple of tips to help you approach women and become more successful in your interactions with them. They’re by no means the only aspects you require to succeed in the dating trenches. There is a whole host of other skills and abilities that you’ll need to develop to have consistent success, but I know without a shadow of doubt, that implementing these tips can help you achieve far greater success in your immediate interactions with women.

Go out there, practice with this information you’ve learned today and start applying your new knowledge. Just remember … It’s ALL about safety and trust when you’re interacting with women, building attraction and succeeding in pickups.

All the best


About Baden Maxwell

Baden has been incredibly successful with women since 1999/2000. Suffering a devastating break-up in 1997 when his fiance of 7 years left him, and after enduring 2 years of failure and feeling frustrated and annoyed at his lack of success with the ladies, he vowed to turn his life around! Baden discovered "The Secrets" to becoming an attractive man, and he devoted himself to learning and applying the principles of sexual attraction and relationship success through dedicated study, practice, trial and error. By applying these powerful principles, Baden was able to transform himself into the type of man that women find extremely attractive, highly desirable and incredibly sexy. To become extremely attractive and irresistible to women as well, follow Baden @ Suave-Man.com.
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